the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize