uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
