Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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