where does the pee come out of this thing
bring money and cleavage
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
