Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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