After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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