Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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