Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
