like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
His hands were made for my vagina.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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