when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I did not marry a roomba.
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