yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
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He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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