Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
