Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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