i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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