I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
