I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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