When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
