he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
