he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
