i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize