I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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