Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
