I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
