I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
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