i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
