I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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