I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
