I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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