Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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