fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
