we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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