STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
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Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
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You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
please don't ironically join a cult
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