some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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