i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
