You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just invented taco cereal.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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