Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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