I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And then my night got REAL pukey
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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