Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
