the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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