its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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