my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
