last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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