I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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