I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
