I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
