If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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