The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
