If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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