He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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