the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
