so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
