I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
