I need help removing her.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
