Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It all started with a game of naked twister.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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