Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
false alarm. still invincible.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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