Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
