So drunk its hurt
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
