I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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