how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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