So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
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do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
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You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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