Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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