whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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