The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
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Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
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I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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