nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
