i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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